![]() Why should I want more than 50 years of screwing around learning about what I am and what's going on all around me? I'm amazed that life is possible and that self-awareness really exists. I will accomplish nothing! I will impress no one! All my things and creations will die with the death of my body/mind. Life is understood to be absolutely finite. When you turn 50, you start being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. "Thank goodness I lived long enough to experience the good parts!" I started saying out loud to myself over and over again around the age of 50. But there have been moments of euphoria, of awe and wonder, of immense gratitude for being aware of this fantastic spacetime in which I'm a tiny part. There have been decades of darkness, years of anhedonia, addiction, withdrawal, poverty, shame and all the rest of it. 53 years of making mind-boggling mistakes and living to blab about them. And then the suffering comes to let us know the choices we made yesterday were very poor. My history is the history of endless poor choices, one leading neatly into the next, in a spiraling chaotic and at times almost random way. ![]() This isn't the way I want it but it is how things are so I accept it. So many mistakes! Who could have guessed what a weak pair of hands can do? OK. Nature itself is our Mother and the Universe never betrays.Īs for being a human, it should be getting obvious to you that making poor choices is just how we roll! Messy disasters ensue both large and small. This is always a precious and exciting situation to find yourself in. You are a piece of the universe that is miraculously self-aware. ![]() Living well is your birthright and no one can take that from you.
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